


Whiskey Dick

by brotherfuckers



Series: Striderclan [31]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Groping, Incest, M/M, Rimming, Sibling Incest, Stridercest - Freeform, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 02:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brotherfuckers/pseuds/brotherfuckers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bro went barhopping with D until he’s abandoned when D goes off to bang the designated driver. Dave has to bring him home, but Bro still wants to party some more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whiskey Dick

**Author's Note:**

> Bro's accent gets a little heavy in this fic. Sorry.

TT: Are you from Nachville? Cos you the only ten I see?  
TG: bro?  
TT: Do ya work at subway? Cos you just gave me a footlog!  
TG: bro no  
TT: I’m not Fred Flintsone but can make your bed rock!  
TT: The voices in my head told me to talk to you.  
TT: Waana see my hard drive? I promise it ain’t 3 hal finches and it ain’t floopy!  
TG: goddamn it  
TT: We could totally win the Stanley Cup in tonsil hockey.  
TT: My love for you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.  
TT: There is somethin wrong with my phone. It don’t have yer number in it.  
TG: bro come home youre drunk  
TT: I fucked yer brother!  
TG: i know what you are going for but you totally just butchered the joke  
TG: its supposed to be i fucked your mother and i am supposed to say go home dad youre drunk  
TG: but you are arent my dad and you definitely havent fucked mom  
TG: and he's your brother too dipshit  
TT: I know. BD  
TT: I wanna do jello shots off yer ass.  
TG: bro do we even have jello  
TG: did you really just emoticon at me  
TT: I know the store does. Is it still open? Ah fuck it. Even if it ain’t the shot still tastes good off yer ass.  
TG: im starting to think this has less to do with more alcohol and more to do with my ass  
TG: besides you hardly need more alcohol  
TT: Aww, but you make tequila taste so good. Got the salt and everythin'. Put the lime in the right place and we are good to go. Body lickin' good!  
TG: why do I get the feeling d and dirk already turned you down or ran away from your drunk ass to go fuck in some nook or cranny in the back of a no name club  
TG: if i come pick you right now you better not fucking pass out on me or throw up cos I swear I will never have sex with you again if you throw up on me  
TT: Is tha where they went? Those fuckers. They dun love me no more. Bet could be louder than them, Davey.  
TG: no one can be louder than d  
TT: True, got a couple notices from the landlord.  
TT: That fucker.  
TG: ok ok im coming to get you  
TT: Can ya blame him with my cock up his ass?  
TT: I mean really. You’ve felt it. It just feels that good. Though I wouldn’t really know. I can’t put my dick up my ass.  
TG: bro no  
TT: Oh whatever. But now I wanna fuck D til e’eryone here knows my name.  
TG: d willl break ear drums for anyone who calls him a slut and bends him over  
TG: and i bet dirk is doing that right now  
TG: but just dont start a fight at the club  
TT: But they are askin fer it.  
TG: nO FUCK THAT ill be there soon i promise to make you another drink in fact ill make one for myself as soon as we get your ass home

* * *

TG: hal where are my lame ass brothers  
TG: i know dirk went with the drunkards as their dd since i won the strife  
TG: but hes prolly off with d somewhere  
it seems you would be correct  
based on their gps dirk and d are a couple blocks away from bro in very close proximity to each other  
i am kinda glad i dont get any more resolution than that  
TG: okay what about the cheesy pick up line pro  
finn mc cool’s  
TG: thats a good nickname  
TG: but where is he  
finn mc cool’s  
thats the name of the place  
TG: i can hear irishmen all over the world cringing  
ill send directions to your phone  
TG: thanks lil man

* * *

The place is surprisingly full even though the sign on the outside promised nachos and beer battered chicken wings, neither of which could remotely be considered Irish. Dave parks and skirts around the very bored and pretty peeved bouncer/guard/big-person-standing-at-the-door-to-check-IDs who is currently dealing with someone trying to throw up on his shoes.

The establishment is absolutely terrible, with smoke filling even the higher ceilings and the floor stickier with every step. Dave has to dodge around the patrons who seem more intent on sloshing their drinks over him than imbibing the either too-cheap-to-be-quality or horrendously-overpriced-and-probably-still-not-quality colorful concoctions in their hands.

Bro isn’t hard to find. His voice carries and even then, Dave could easily pick him out of the crowd in a heartbeat. He seems to have a small crowd about him right now. Dave looks over them with an appraising eye and yea, they are all pretty good looking. Even without the beer goggles that Bro is bound to be wearing. The petite woman sitting across his lap as he is perched on the stool giggles drunkenly at something Bro whispers in her ear. The rest of the people try to join in on the private joke but just end up laughing awkwardly along. Dave cuts around them and manages to slip up behind Bro.

“Hey,” is the only warning he gives before leaning against the back of Bro’s polo shirt. Bro nudges him back indicating that he knows it’s Dave instead of a stranger that he’d have to hurt for invading his space.

“Show’s over, folks. Seems like my chauffeur is here. Finally,” Bro tells the crowd with an exaggerated eye roll. Dave just ducks his head and lets the implied insult fly over his head. Obviously Bro is putting on an act. He keeps the girl close as he breaks through the people and leads the way out of the restaurant. Dave tags along, not really able to understand the mutters the others say about his brother with the volume of the music playing. He catches word of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘creep.’ He hopes Bro had been behaving.

It’s a deep breath of fresh air when they finally exit.

“Now ‘ere’s your cab, sweetheart. Make sure ya stay ‘way from fuckers like tha’ next time. I can’t always be ‘round to ‘elp ya out.”

“Thanks a lot, Bro!” She’s up on her toes to press a kiss to his lips before giggling her way into the cab. Dave doesn’t comment when he sees Bro slipping the cabbie a hundred dollar bill. Dave waits until the cab drives away with the girl still waving back at Bro before leading Bro to the car. Each step is difficult as Bro leans heavily on his smelling like whisky and beer and some tropical fruity drink that Dave can’t decide if they were spilled on him or spilled by him.

Once they hit shadows though, Bro’s hands moved away from supporting himself to groping Dave’s chest through the thin shirt that he had thrown on to drive out here.

“Bro. No.”

“Dave. Yesh,” Bro giggled.

“God fucking damn it. Get into the car.” Dave opens the back seat and shoulders Bro in.

“Aww, why the back?” Bro whines.

“Because otherwise you’d try to give me road head and I don’t particularly feel like dying tonight.”

“Just ruin my fun, why dontcha.”

Dave just rubs his bridge of his nose and climbs into the front seat.

* * *

Bro pulls the same shit when Dave gets him out of the car back at their apartment building. He behaves for anything public or lit but in the shadows and especially the elevator, Dave has to fight his older brother’s hands. They manage to make it to their apartment without scandalizing any of the neighbors.

“Davey, Davey, Daisy, get me some ice in some cups. Gonna break out some good stuff,” Bro calls out, when he finally stumbles away from Dave and into the main room.

“Sure, whatever. I guess I did promise you a drink. At least you didn’t punch anyone out at Finn McCool’s. Where the fuck did you even find that place?”

“Nope, din hafta. The bastard nearly pissed himself when I stood up. Get two glasses, Daisy!”

“If you call me Daisy again, I will cut off your dick and just ride the replica dildos you’ve made instead.”

“Oi! Tha’s not very nice.” Dave hears Bro fall onto the couch while he fills two tumblers up with ice. He sees pants get flung away as he walks back over to the futon.

“'ey, Davey, get ova here. Gots a presi fer ya.” Bro pats now naked lap and Dave just sighs at his atrocious language.

“Why? Why did I expect anything less? You better have the fucking bottle within reach of that 'present.’” Dave tells him as he comes around to the front.

Bro lolls head back against the cushions and smirks at his brother. “Course, Davey, right 'ere.” He lifts up the bottle, holding it by the neck. He unplugs the cork top and Dave helps him pour a bit into each glass. With one eye closed, Bro manages to get the bottle recorked and carefully set it on the table.

Dave looks at the glasses in his hand like he is contemplating life choices. “Fuck it.” He lifts one glass and chugs the drink, gasping at the burn afterwards.

“Aw, you were 'posed to savor that. Dunno how to drunk yer alcohol yet. Young’un.” He takes the other glass out of Dave’s hand and takes a sip of own drink. “‘ere’s a taste of the good stuff.” He comically puckers his lips up to Dave.

Dave staggers slightly due to the burn and from what was a very strong drink. “Okay, okay, you big drunken fool.”  He attempts to kiss Bro without falling over completely, but the positioning is precarious. Bro abuses his awkward balance by grabbing Dave’s wrist and dragging him into his lap, squeaking slightly and then rolling his eyes.

“Heh, gotta learn how to hold yer liquor, li'l man.” He takes another sip and holds it in his mouth just before he kisses Dave.

“Hold my liquor? Like you? You horny ba-umph!” He kisses Bro back and lets the drink slide down his throat, shivering at how the liquid burns smoothly unlike when he just threw it back.

“Hey. You'll never see me get whiskey dick.” He grabs Dave's hips and pulls him down while grinding up for emphasis. “Now, am I gonna hafta spoon feed ya the entire next drink?”

“Ah, ha, okay, Bro, fuck.” Dave tries to adjust himself through his pants but doesn’t get the right grip with Bro’s hands on him. “You going to rut against me and not even let me get my clothes off? Thought you wanted to do body sho- shit,” he groans at Bro's repetitive movements. He also starts to feel the alcohol hit his system.

“Yer right. Too many damn clothes.” He releases Dave’s hip in favor of slipping his hands under Dave's shirt and pushing it off completely. He immediately starts kissing and biting the bare skin. “Might not even need to add flavor to ya,” Bro murmurs into Dave’s chest.

“What flav- oh fuck!” The bites become sharp and that combined with the alcohol makes him whimper and squirm in Bro's renewed grip. “Shit. B-Bro, just let me get up so I can get the pants o- hngh!”

“Dun wanna let ya go, too tasty.” Bro focuses in on Dave’s neck.

“You fucking asshole,” Dave half moans, half complains as he tries to wriggle his bottom half off of Bro, or at least to the side enough to get his pants off. “Can't get at my ass if I have jeans on. I know how you feel about this ass.”

“Hm, it’s a good ass, it’s a Strider ass, all good ass.” He interrupts his own musing to throw Dave to the side, face down, and then starts tugging on the jeans and boxers to get them off as well. But as soon as Dave's ass is exposed, Bro leans down for a lick. “Better than rum,” he comments over Dave’s yelp at the sudden change.

“Shit, Bro, if you just let me- I could- goddamn it- my ass is not a fine liquor.” He tries to squirm away from Bro.

“Nah, yer the finest. Ya get my head spinning near instantly, ya little nymph.”

Dave fails at resisting the urge to facepalm. “I'm not some wide-eyed forest creature carved out for your pleasure, Bro.”

“Really? Ya seem to be made for me.” Bro ducks his head and runs his tongue over Dave’s exposed crack. But instead of coming back up or letting him go, Bro keeps at it. His hands hold Dave’s ass cheeks apart and now his tongue as further access to lick over Dave’s entrance.

“Bro! What are you- ah!” Dave claws at the couch cushions as Bro makes several more passes and then dips his tongue to swirl around his entrance and then push in slightly. He gasps at the foreign feeling, but the heat of Bro’s breath and his slick tongue pushing into him cause him to start moaning into the cushions. “Bro, this is so, so dirty even for you- ah AH! How -ah- are you even doing this?” he draws out the end of the word in a hiss of pleasure as Bro’s tongue starts to thrust into him with more regularity. Soon, Dave is rock hard and dripping, trying to cant his hips backwards to push Bro’s tongue deeper into his ass, but then Bro pulls back. Dave’s about to complain when he’s cut off with a yelp as Bro bites and sucks and licks a mark onto his ass, that he will definitely be feeling when he next sits down.

“Ya ready fer more or do ya need me to give ya a break, Davey?” Bro slurs.

“Please...”

“Please what?”

“Don’t- Don’t st-ah!” Dave shouts as Bro’s tongue immediately returns. Bro laves over Dave’s asshole with broad sweeps of his tongue paired with pointed pushes from the tip. Eventually he lets go with one hand, moving the other to awkwardly keep the cheeks apart, to reach for his drink. He tips the smooth amber liquid down Dave’s ass and quickly laps it up. The drops that he misses fall onto Dave’s boxers and jeans below.

“Wha- What are you doing, Bro?”

“Heh, drunk ass,” Bro murmurs into Dave’s ass as he pours more of the drink. The cool whiskey contrasts with Bro’s hot tongue. Bro mixes the liquor and Dave’s musky taste in his mouth.

Dave is frantically clawing at the futon, unable to break free of Bro’s hold on his hips, unable to get any friction on his dick even from his jeans sitting right below the tip. He finally gets a hand down to himself and starts pumping furiously. Bro picks up on the movement and tries to match it with his tongue.

“Hah, hah! Bro!” Dave freezes as his pleasure tips over the edge at he adds his cum to the mess below him. Bro continues to rim him through the orgasm until Dave has to swat at his shoulder to get him to back off. Bro simply sits back on his haunches and watches Dave lethargically pull himself together enough to get out of the jeans and boxers with a little triumphant shout.

Bro stares at a naked Dave with unhidden lust and fully erect cock in his lap.

“Shit Bro, I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Told ya ya taste good. Ya just the sweetest li’l thin’ I could dream of. Love yer ass any way I kin get it. Slappin’ it, smackin’ it, squeezin’ it, tonguin’ it, fuckin’ it, watchin’ it bounce onna cock,” Bro trails off with a lick of his lips as he watches Dave shiver. Still mostly turned away from Bro, Dave groans as his flagging dick perks right back up at his words.

“So are you just going to stare? Or will you actually follow up on all those slurred advances?” He rolls over so Bro can see him. He runs his foot over Bro's thigh.

“Fuck Dave, just take the damn compliment. Gonna ravish you,” Bro declares as he grabs Dave's ankle and pulls him back down on the futon under him. He crushes his mouth against Dave’s. One hand moves up from ankle to thigh to deep in between, just briefly, and then beyond Dave to in between the cushions looking for something.

“Oh fuck! Okay I'm the best damn thing since the discovery of fermented fruit-” he is cut off somewhat but continues rambling into the continued kiss. “Ah Bro, where's the fucking lube? Come on! You are naked and drunk, which isn’t much different from usual I guess. I’ve come home to you surrounded by bottles of lube and smuppets. And now you can’t find one fucking tube!” He groans and arches up against Bro's muscled core as he grinds up on Bro’s arm still between the cushions. He grabs a fistful of hair to latch onto.

“Ya think I kin think that far ahead? Too busy tonguin’ yer drunk ass. Lookie ya, all drunk and wanting. Ahah!” he cheers as he pulls out the small bottle. He quickly opens it and starts pouring it over everything, especially dave's cock to drip down to his ass. “C'mon get sexy fer me.”

Dave gasps as the liquid. “Ah! You fucker. It's cold, shit! Two seconds ago you were saying you were going to ravish me and now I gotta put on a show? Plus I'm hardly as drunk as you; it doesn't seem fair.” Dave slips a hand in between them anyways to reach past his dick and start rubbing the lube around. He quickly pushes a finger inside himself. “But since I'm not sure I trust your fumbling hands right now, why don't you 'spoon feed’ me some more drink while I'm occupied.” Dave tries to bat his eyes up at Bro but interrupts it when his finger brushes over a certain point inside himself.

“Such a baby, Davey. Heh, I rhymed,” Bro chuckles stupidly. He leans over and takes another sip of the drink, holding it in his mouth before he kisses Dave. “Ya gonna get drunk if I have a say.”  He leans for another swallow of drink, his other hand trailing up Dave's body.

There is alcohol running down the side of his face from Bro's sloppy kisses, but Dave is definitely feeling the buzz and getting warmer so he doesn't mind. “Ah, you going to- mmm,” he moans as he adds a second finger and starts to scissor impatiently. His dick just gets harder from the added sting. “-get me drunk and take advantage? Such a creeper, Bro.” He pushes himself up to nip at Bro’s lip and get the next mouthful.

“Heh, like ya dun like the lecherous. I see how ya look at me when I come outta the shower. A southern belle like myself should be ashamed at such lurid looks.” He bends down to Dave's ear. “But I really like them. And I’m sure ya do too.” He presses a finger of his own against Dave's other two to help stretch him out.

“Ah! I never said I wasn't a creeper too.” Dave lets out a whimper and thrusts his hips down against the fingers. “Fuck Bro, now I'm imagining you in a big ruffled dress -ah!” He runs his free hand down Bro's back leaving red scratch marks.

“Nah, dun have the hips to pull it off. Ya though, god I love ya in ruffles. Just wanna bend ya over and fuck ya over the counter when I can get ya into them. Those thigh high leggin's always look so good on ya and D. God, his legs go up to heaven.”

“How many fucking ruffley outfits do you have hidden around here just waiting to spring on me?

“Enough,” Bro answers about the frills enigmatically. He crooks finger inside of Dave at the memory.

“Oh jesus!”  Dave moans, nips, and sucks Bro's collarbones and neck and whatever other skin he can reach. “Fuck, fucking fuck! Just fuck me already!” He slides his free hand down to wrap around Bro's cock and squeezes. “I know you want to.”

“Think yer ready for my anaconda, li'l bro? Think ya can handle the python of this amazon?” He pulls his finger out but rocks his hips against Dave's fist around his cock.

Dave just rolls his eyes at the awful phrases. “Ugh, you are such an idiot. Not even sure I want your trouser snake after those horrendous comments.” He can’t help but moan when he takes his fingers out though. “Come on! Fuck me now before your shitty dirty talk forces me to run and lock myself in the bathroom to finish myself off.”

“Course ya want it, ya always want it,” Bro taunts as he presses the tip of his cock up against Dave's entrance after sharing another sip of the potent drink, taking a swallow of it first of course.

“Fuck! How can you be this much of a fucking tease when your shitfaced?” Dave whines, “please! Fuck of course I want it! Will you fucking pound me already? I wanna be so sore and bruised tomorrow that D will carry me to the shower and Dirk will make me breakfast.”

“Ah shit. Now I wan breakfast too.” Bro falls back onto the other half of the futon away from Dave, stroking himself with the extra lube. “I ain’t drunkard, and I ain’t shitfaced either. I kin tease you all I want, fucker.” His speech is getting worse and it doesn't help when he tosses back the rest of his drink. Surprisingly, his dick stays hard.

Dave nearly screeches in frustration when Bro doesn’t come back towards him after setting the glass down. “You fucker! You are the most ADD asshole! Fucking stupid motherfucker.” Dave sits up and forcefully slaps Bro's hand away coming very close to hitting his dick before straddling Bro’s lap, “And you were supposed to be getting me drunk not yourself, fuckface.” He kisses Bro hard, grabs his dick, and starts sliding down onto it probably faster than he should, but the pain is dulled by booze. He moans and shivers in Bro's lap as his body tries to quickly accommodate Bro’s size. Bro just smirks and watches his brother writhe on his cock, musing at how easy it is to get him riled enough to do the work for him.

“That's it, babe. Show me how you work it.” The words barely come through the alcohol induced state. His eyes are nearly shut but he still manages to pay attention to the way Dave’s chest is flushed and his cheeks bright red from the sex and alcohol in his system. Bro admires the way Dave’s hair bounces up and down over his forehead except where it sticks with sweat. Dave’s dick taps against his abdomen to the rhythm his legs set.

“Goddamn, Bro. Feel so good.”

“Wanna... watch yer... ass, Davey.”

“Huh?”

Bro just twirls his finger in the air and Dave eventually picks up on what Bro wants and pauses the fucking just long enough to get into a reverse cowboy position before continuing to ride. He feels Bro’s hands cupping his ass before eventually falling away. Dave doesn’t think anything of it until he hears the distinct sound of drunken snoring. He twists and looks over his shoulder and see’s Bro completely passed out, mouth open and drooling and all.

“Are. Are you fucking kidding me? Wake up, asshole!” Dave yells at him. He grips Bro’s legs and clenches his ass around the cock still standing straight up inside him, but all he gets is a sleepy grunt and a slight twitch of Bro’s hips. But nothing conscious from his passed-out drunk older brother. He changes position again so he can face Bro and try to shake him, but if anything his snoring gets louder. “You are the worst incestuous older brother ever. How is your dick still hard!?”

Dave slides himself up and down and moans when he gets the angle right. He grudgingly admits to himself that Bro was telling the truth about never getting whiskey dick. Though, he worries that this may actually be a medical problem, because aren’t dicks supposed to get soft if the owner passes out and drinks a ton? Dave doesn’t dwell on that for too long, in case his ride comes to an early close. He glares at Bro’s little snuffling snores and slaps his cheek lightly in a last ditch effort to get him to wake up and fuck him properly.

“Mrg... li’l Callie wanna cuddles,” Bro mumbles in his sleep and nuzzles Dave’s hand. Dave goes completely still for a moment and then before he even processes what he’s doing his fist has made hard contact with Bro’s jaw. Dave freezes afterwards but Bro still doesn’t wake up, doesn’t even move his head from where it snapped to the side.

“Serves you right asshole,” he mutters to Bro’s unconscious form. Then he shrugs and continues to ride Bro’s miraculously still-hard dick. He quickly ramps up his speed and balances, using a hand on Bro’s shoulder to leverage himself up and down and the other to start jacking himself off at a fast pace. He comes across his hand and Bro’s chest, grinding himself down as hard as he can against Bro’s cock and gyrating through his orgasm. He slumps forward to rest his head against Bro’s shoulder until he has the energy to push himself off of Bro and wobble on unsteady legs to his room.

He glances back and just rolls his eyes at the scene, and hopes like hell Bro doesn’t figure out that Dave is the reason his cheek is going to be swollen in the morning. Dave is about to go collapse on his bed when he decides he has a great idea to help Bro out with his unflagging erection.

* * *

In the morning Bro wakes up with a massive hangover, his face hurts, and he looks down to find a smuppet sheathed around his dick, staring at him, dried cum on his chest, and a very amused looking Dirk standing over him sipping a glass of orange juice.

“Sup sunshine?” Dirk’s smirk is like bright sunlight and mockery. Bro just throws the smuppet on his lap in Dirk’s face and then hides his face in the futon to try and go back to sleep.

“So...” Dirk starts.

“No. No, we ain’t havin’ that conversation. We ain’t never havin’ that conversation. Go haunt the skinny fucker. If he ever got home.” Bro lifts his head a bit and doesn’t immediately see the Strider in question. Dirk points to something just over the edge of the futon and Bro stretches just enough to see D sprawled out across the floor. “Good. God damn it. Gonna go back to sleep.” He throws a pillow over his face but then just as quickly lifts it to add, “And tell Davey his pretty little ass is gettin’ a beatdown on the roof for this.”

“For what? The smuppet, the cum, or the bruised jaw?”

“That son of a fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> For more information please check out our work at striderclan.tumblr.com; we have more stories, head canons, art/pictures.


End file.
